Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Estonia Sucks!

Estonia sucks!

This is only a list - for explanations and solutions, just ask (I'm not writing a book...just yet!)
Why does Estonia suck?? Here are just a few reasons off of the top of my head:


Greedy, selfish "neo-capitalists"

Post-soviet mentality

Estonia would never admit that it is in fact - in almost every way - a cross between RUSSIA and FINLAND! (and is still being screwed by both of them)!

(People always ask me why am I in Estonia? I usually used to answer - quite sarcastically:
"For the roads, service, food and weather." But that's really just the tip...)

Way too many street lights in the center of Tartu

(Guess how many...over fifteen!?!?..Two would be one too many!) and none where they should be!!: you have to stick your head out of the window to see them if you stop where you are supposed to! (Manhattan has hundreds of four way intersections with six lanes of traffic on both roads - and what do you know - one highly visible, easily seen traffic light - hanging directly in the center!!) Let's play a game: count the number of accidents at this tiny little intersection - why so many accidents? "Because this intersection is so busy" you say?? Ridiculous!! This intersection is far, far less busy than almost any intersection in any major city in the world (Manhattan) and none (at least I would hope none) of them have such horrendous traffic problems and accidents as this completely screwed up intersection in the center of Tartu with way, way, way too many frigging traffic lights!!!)

Way too many manholes and manhole covers...(and A-holes)

Way too many street lights - yes, too many: the "Euro-Union" mandates that there be way too many street lights in a row and way too close together - but only in a very few spots when most of the rest of "the most dangerous roads in Euope" are pitch black! A few, very small spots of broad day light and the rest of the roads are pitch black...maybe spread them out a lot more??
Right hand rule!??!?!? (...does not rule...4 way stop?!?!?...how about just a few more "Stop" signs...2 are always cheaper and easier than 4...)

NO "RIGHT ON RED"!!!!!! This alone could save this pathetically ignorant country billions of euros in fuel over the next couple decades!!

Dangerous driving (Lack of traffic police and one of the world's leading rally car drivers - Estonia's Marko Martin - who retired after the accidental death of his partner/navigator - inspire the most dangerous/deadly roads in Europe...the U.S. State Department actually advised against taking the buses...too dangerous...)

(My brother suggested that Estonian traffic authorities hire Marco Martin to make a public service announcement: the message would explain that Marco Martin's partner died while Martin was driving in a legitimate race and to please slow down and drive safely - and never drink and drive or drag race - to help save lives and limbs. My suggestion was that the message be paid for by Marco Martin - because let's face it: he learned to drive the way he does on Estonia's public highways!!! He should say: "Please don't practice to become the world champion of rally race car driving (making tons and tons of money) by using Estonia's horrendously dangerous, poorly constructed and maintained and policed public highways as your practice course - the way I did!! Or you may end up paying for your completely unacceptable lack of concern for the safety of other people by being forced to make a public service announcement like this one!!!"

While we're at it, let's have the prime minister make a public announcement too: "Please don't speed ridiculously fast and dangerously or hit wildlife with you vehicle and then laugh about it. Yes, I am allowed to speed - all that I want to - you know this as you watch the tax payers pay for the gas and my car and my driver and my entourage and the police escorts as I speed - ridiculously fast - from town to town (without there ever being any emergency at all!!). (It really is too bad that we are so short of police to fight crimes that endanger other peoples lives - like the crime of speeding. It's also really too bad that other meager and utterly powerless heads of state - like the mayors of cities all over the world - cities (and "towns") far larger in population and economic output than the entire country of Estonia - it's too bad that all of these public servants aren't granted the same immunities that I am granted. Please don't speed!! Thank You!!")

Do I really need to mention how unbelievably poorly Estonian "authorities" maintain the "roads" (I use the term "roads" very, very loosely!!)??? They take dozens of man hours - and immense and expensive machinery - to create a full sized volley ball court in the center of the town square in Tartu - but they can't get the funding for repairing the enormous and dangerous holes in the middle of the roads!??!

The quality of the roads directly or indirectly effects every single transportation cost - fuel in particular!! (The entire country is literally "spinning it's tires")!! How much money does Estonia waste on fuel, fixing tires and suspension systems and mufflers and ....literally "you name it"....virtually ALL vehicle maintenance and repair costs - because the people in charge want it that way!!??? These costs are just another way that the people in power in Estonia are completely screwing everyone else while padding their pockets with hard working Estonians' hard earned cash!! Who owns the gas stations and repairs stations and vehicle inspection stations and...!!

(Someone please supply me with the name and/or contact info for the person in charge of transportation...so I can slap them silly...What's that? You don't have anyone in charge of transportation???...????...Slap yourselves!!)


No one smiles ("Let's play 'The first to spot someone smiling wins' or 'The first to get someone to smile or wave hello wins")

Suicide epicenter of the world (Mao was far worse than either Hitler or Stalin: he made millions decide to kill THEMSELVES!)

No sense of humor, no comedy clubs

"Long Hate"? (I say "Pik viha on pik viga!!" "Long hate is a long mistake")


Nationalism (When asked "What should be done about all the foreigners in Estonia?" one man said: "Shoot them!"...on
public TV...)



(Unlike the U.S. and most other civilized countries (not controlled by the Third Reich), Estonia is the only country
that I know of that requires every citizen to speak one certain language - Estonian - even though over a third of the population speaks an entirely different (and in my opinion immensely more valuable, diverse, culturally rich, etc. language) - Russian - and this is why Estonia has the largest population of refugees any where in the world!! (Estonian is not only virtually utterly useless outside of Estonia - it is often times - a third of the time - utterly useless within Estonia!) I quote the Estonian National Examination and Qualification Center site - (where they don't post the Estonian language Proficiency Exam dates - you have to go to a site that is entirely in Estonian(??) to find the dates!??!?!??) - "The Estonian language proficiency exam does not have to be taken if you have acquired a basic, secondary or higher education." - because obviously if you have been to grammar school -anywhere other than in Estonia - you are far better educated than any Estonian citizen! Ithink maybe that should have read been to school in Estonia...ARROGANCE!!)

Ignorance (Libraries here suck - english, english, english!!)

Alcoholism (Is there a single Alcoholics Anonymous chapter in the whole region - why isn't the social services fully funded to provide the same exact service for people suffering from alcoholism - which is arguably Estonia's worst social problem!)

Estonia has the most rampant and fastest increase in AIDS in the developed world ("Estonia's Number 1, Estonia's number 1!!") (Whoever it was (the minister of health??) that said that this enormous, costly, unbelievably embarrassing and utterly out of control social problem exists only among the people with the problem (and I am paraphrasing what I heard that they said) should be mugged, kidnapped and injected with the virus!!....OK...please do not take that seriously...and actually go and commit such a heinous crime....without calling to invite me first!)
Needle exchange program!!!!!! For starters....public apology!!!

The weather

Why is the entire country is allowed to turn into an ice hockey rink for six months of every year?? (When people slip on this country sized ice hockey rink, they very often injured - unnecessarily and unforgivably. The associated costs to the Estonian society - medical bills, loss of labor hours due to incapacitation (sometimes permanent!) and, of course pain and suffering - these costs almost surely would easily pay for the small cost of clearing the most used walkways...no??)

Fahrenheit meets Celsius around -40 degrees

Insomnia - the sun either never, ever shows up - ever - or never goes away!

Easy solution: if you are starving to death - get the flock out of the desert...stop living in the desert you foolish idiots!!!
If you are freezing to death and spending all of your Gross National Domestic Product ("all the money you make") on heating and reinforcing and rebuilding and refacing and repairing and....everything else you do to make your living spaces livable...and maintaining the wet, frozen Estonian infrastructure (roads, pipes, buildings...)...... MOVE!!

If you can't afford to fix your buildings and roads and infrastructure and social and economic problems (and apparently you can't)- move to where everything is already working and already fixed: Lakewood NJ - where thousands and thousands of Estonians live and work and speak Estonian and enjoy much more reasonable weather every day. Try Florida - where real estate costs almost half as much money - and your living expense will be cut by two thirds to three fourths (no heating bills) !! Or Portugal or Canada or CALIFONIA...just about anywhere else!

Almost everything is 50 to 300 percent more expensive than in the U.S. Why?? (You're being ripped off by the people with money who own all the businesses in Estonia (and therefore the government as well)- mostly foreigners: Finns, Swedes, Norwegians, Brits,...)
Internet - some of the most expensive in the world - as opposed to Finland where it is the least expensive...???

MONOPOLIES RUN RAMPANT: The most horrendous of industrialized crimes is staring (and spitting) every single Estonian in the face every single day of the year, in plain broad daylight - and not a single person ever says a single word!!!!:

Just look at the most major intersection in the entire country - four corners, four gas stations, ALL FOUR are the same exact gas station: STATOIL (all four are outrageously overpriced and foreign owned and operated - whoever it is in your government that allows this to occur is utterly, utterly corrupt!!)

I will say it again:
MONOPOLIES (AND OLIGOPOLIES) RUN RAMPANT!! ESTONIA'S ECONOMY IS NOT A FREE MARKET, CAPITALIST SYSTEM!! (and anyone that thinks it is - is a complete and utter fool!!) Can you say:

COLLUSION!!??! (Businesses secretly allowed to get together to fix arbitrarily high prices - people with money forming "trusts" (gangs) to overcharge everyone - especially the government!! The recently built tower being sold to the government for student and lower income housing - CORRUPTION!! I guarantee it!!)

The medicine is quackery and completely outdated (but it is cheap - or for Estonians it's free - you only have to wait three or four years for your operation...My brother had his knee operated on...unnecessarily!!...oops...misdiagnosis...)

Banks ("...your savings account interest rate is...zero??...Really?...and you charge...a six percent fee to invest money in equities??...)

Newspapers (almost all owned and operated by - and for - the "Overlords" from other countries!)
18% tax - even on shipping - for what?? (NO tax online in the U.S.)

Theft ("More police?? Nah, let's just retire half them...who needs them?...")

Corruption (Several books could be written on this subject alone!)

DIRT (One the filthiest and most dirt and muck and dust ridden places that I have ever been - Bangkok was cleaner! If you can't afford to clean it - move!! To where the streets clean themselves!! Florida?? The highest rainfall - all at once - and therefore the sunniest state in the U.S. - the rainstorms clean everything spotless! Unfortunately, so do the hurricanes...and I am not talking about the baseball team...)

Pollution (Everyone burns their garbage in there coal burning heaters - Jannipäev is Gummipäev - burn your old tires day!)

Soviet Army style brutality (I once saw a man kick another man in the head for about ten minutes and then in another ten minutes they were arm in arm - brother's in law! Seven on one - kick him till the police show up...if they ever do...)

Bumper to bumper traffic?? In "cities" with less than a million people??? (Please find and slap the transportation minister for me...please...or at least fight the corruption by demanding that there actually be a transportation minister - for the country, each county, every town and city - transportation is an absolutely astronomical cost!! Idiots!...)

No organic produce (anything that you would really want or need to be organic - you have to order online! You could do that anywhere in the world...)

No real health food restaurants or stores!!!!!!!! (One of the lowest life expectancies of all industrialized nations!)

Overpriced meagerly equipped "gyms"


Tartu has no decent:
Vegan/Vegatarian, Salad Bar, Middle Eastern, Indian, Mexican, Japanese, Thai, American (Subs, NY/NJ or Chicago pizza, Philly Cheesteaks, omelette's, Ben & Jerries, Cookies & Cream, "All you can eat" Buffets...)

Mc Donalds won an award for the best fast food in the country!!! (and is going out of business in the U.S. Estonians have given an award to a fast food chain that most of the rest of the world makes fun of and laughs about, and makes movies about how utterly horrendous McDonald's food is! Unfortunately, we are all forced to eat there because - in fact - Mc Donalds is the best fast food in the country (if you can call it fast! I often wait for twenty minutes or more for my "heart attack inducing" meal.) Sad, sad, sad!!

No Wendys, No Taco Hell, No Arbys, No White Grissel, No Burger King, No In and Out, No Jack-in-the-Box...and I would be overjoyed if any of these franchises could make any money here (they can't! Because Estonian's have yet to develop the taste for anything but the most horrendous post-soviet style food!!) even though these are the worst, greasiest, nastiest, "fast food" drive-throughs (as opposed to Estonian "faster than unbearably slow" "drive/stumble drunk through" restaurants where you will almost definitely be accosted and/or attacked by the young drunk studs "stumbling through" on Friday or Saturday night)

No Costco

No BJs

No Sam's Club

No Super Target

Shitty, short skiing/snowboarding season

Shitty, incredibly short, ice cold surfing/swimming season

Overpriced tennis/golf (How much??? For a golf ball??!??!???!)

No Jiffy Lube (20 minute - 40 dollar - complete oil and filter and lube and liquids and 100 point check up for your car!!! They do lightening fast, incredibly inexpensive spark plug replacement and tuneups too)

No 24 hour Walmart

(Estonia has the worst infestation of biting insects of anyplace that I have ever been! It's like a plague: Swarms of mosquitoes! Enormous, horse-sized horse flies that literally chew through various layers of clothing before gnawing through your skin, causing you to literally cry out in pain!! "OUch!!!"

Why are Estonians so completely ignorant to Mosquito reduction techniques and technology???! Because they don't listen to foreigners?? Because they don't speak or read English?? Have you ever heard of "bug lights"?? No!! Do they prevent standing water (I would swear that they encourage standing water - every Estonian is growing puddles and pools of mosquitoes in their back yards...) Spraying for mosquitoes - perhaps instead of investing in...let's say...bad advertising slogans like "Welcome....To....Est.......Onia"...(Land of the mentally challenged: "I am Est.......Onian!! I compete in da Hand.......Dicapped ....O.....Lympics....")

I was told that no Estonian spiders bite...bowlshite! ALL spiders bite...how would they eat??

Music??? ......MUSIC??????.......Don't even get me started...
...and I'm just getting warmed up...



(that blog is exactly the same as this but has over 9 comments!)


Anne said...

Just one question, why do you still live in Estonia when you hate it so much?

Maria said...

Do you realize how xenophobic your own post sounds?

It seems that you are looking for a copy of your home country here, but this is a different place and accordingly carries a different name - Estonia.

Can you maybe guess why we do not have "real health food stores"? Healthy food grows here, just in our own backyards. You can also find it in a usual supermarket.
Jaanipäev has far longer tradition than a rubber production and the fire itself has a very special message. It is a pity that you have seen people ruining it with burning tires.
A comedy club is not a sign of a sense of humor either. We put our jokes in the words not on a stage.

Here are so many beautiful things to see, but you can only see what you look for...

James Graff said...

I actually choose (foolishly) to live in Estonia because my heart forces me too: my girlfriend is finishing her masters degree at Tartu University.

I am truly sorry if my post "sounds" xenophobic because nothing could be farther from the truth. I love absolutely ALL people, animals, plants, places and things - especially those foreign to me for they are the most intriguing!

The main intent of the post (and hopefully of most of my activities) is to ease suffering in the world. I am really simply speaking from my heart and mind - the truth - (something that post-soviet, nationalistically trained Estonians don't do very well yet) from a simple perspective:

In what ways does Estonia "suck"?

How can we all best improve the lives of all who chose to remain here (The population is decreasing so frighteningly and rapidly that the Estonian government has -in an act of National pride and tax-base self-preservation - resorted to "bribing" citizens into having children with absolutely unheard of, Estonianesque subsidies! And I will hopefully be moving to California...or Florida...or anywhere else...ASAP).

I was born in New York City. I was an A student in Economics and Systems Engineering at purportedly and arguably the very best schools - number one in the world (The Wharton Business School and the Moore School of Engineering - where they invented the computer...). I have traveled to over 40 countries on 5 continents. So I would like to believe that I have a very open and cosmopolitan view of the world.

Real health stores sell "organic" produce amongst a myriad of other healthy goods and diverse information filled media. You might want to try locate some of that media and start reading - in English - why the food that grows in your "backyard" might be the reason Estonia has one of the lowest lifespans in Europe (...carcinogenic pesticides for one...). You can find the meager kind and quality of produce that sells in the stores here in just about all grocery stores in even barely developed countries - but that doesn't mean it is high in variety or quality - or that it has been organically grown.

Of course Jaanipäev has a long - and culture and tradition filled - history - but I have experienced half a dozen of them and learned almost nothing about those traditions (from the Estonians themselves). Why? Because everyone is invariably too drunk and covered in soot and bonfire smoke to every bother explaining any of the tradition to me. "Go into the forest in search of a special flower..."...and hook up! (...with the Devil?...)

A comedy club - not unlike a library - is a sign of high culture in my opinion (not to mention a sign of something...anything...fun to do at night other than drink oneself into oblivion and listen to some of the most awful music I have ever heard...) All peoples and cultures have humor. One of the main problems with Estonia is it's size: 1.5 million people and SHRINKING. For that number of people Estonia kicks booty in so many ways (due to the highly competitive - almost "dog eat dog", nationalistic ideologies): gold medals, number of international successes (models, rally race car victories, etc.) genome research, the discovery of alpha-centuria - which led to the development of a "light year" - the discovery of the vast cosmic cloud - the Öpik-Oort Cloud - an immense postulated spherical cloud of comets just beyond our solar system...which is where I believe a great deal of the Estonian flora - and quite possibly - fauna (the Estonians themselves, perhaps...) are from....thus completely explaining the time and expense in building the incredibly odd shaped and odd looking new Tartu Kaubamaja (I think everyone already knows that it's actually a space vessel ...waiting to transport these heartless, hyper-intellectual visitors home...hopefully the new mall (complete with "permanent scaffolding") will help hide the "Kaubamaja Mother ship" from Sauron's evil eye of Mordor that is high, aloft his evil snail shaped, conical tower....comedy!!...)

But Estonia is really just a teeny, tiny country - like 500,000 (of maybe even 50,000) Manhattanites living amongst a million country bumpkins - essentially sheep - in impoverished, rural Alabama - half of which speak Spanish (and have absolutely NO CITIZENSHIP anywhere in the world!...!!!)

I am really only trying to help the former and educate the latter.

And of course I am truly sorry for any and all unintended offense...

But thanks for commenting!


bat said...

Maybe the real reason why you don't understand the jokes is cuz you don't know the language well enough?
btw its: "Pikk viha.. " and "Marko Märtin" (not marco).
Reading your blog about Estonia from your point of view made me think of you as some college punk kid, who think it is awesome come up with arguments like this. It's not quite true what you said there about the traffic though. And you can't demand highways around such a tiny cities like Tartu and other cities in Estonia are, you know that, right?
I agree that there's lots of truth in your blog, but you could do much better..

son.. i am dissapoint..

Good luck with your girlfriend, I hope she luws you despite your hate and lack of sarcasm :P

God said...

Maybe you should just shut the fuck up, be man, nobody's forcing you to live here and all you do is whine.

I myself find that Estonia is an Okay place and people like you annoy me. Just like the most of the Russians(no offence to those who don't whine)you complain about the living here, but you wont move infact "mother land" would gladly take you back... now where was I, ah.. my point is if you don't like it go away :P

Good luck with your things, hippie :D

Kristopher said...

I look forward to you dropping the Dr. Bronner's soap bottle label writing style and writing a quality analysis...

For the time being, might I suggest: "No BJs" -- perhaps this is the problem? I've never heard of such a chain in the States, so I assume you are talking about that which groupies do?

toma said...

i totally agree that this country sucks. imo - this country is not beautiful at all - no mountains or even real hills. they say they dont care about it but hello - ofc they do - they take pics of some tiny 50 m hills for like 5000 times. they overrate their country calling it "beautiful", but ofc its not.

sea is polluted and sucks, lakes are nothing special and small cities are ugly. only thing that is not total disaster is Tallinn.

sport, weather, people, well almost everything makes this country extremely bad.

thats ofc just my opinion,

E:r said...

Sounds like a bad case of (permanent) culture shock.

No wonder, though.. I personally had a massive culture shock when I moved to a ghetto in UK for 6 months about 5 years ago.. and that was UK :p.

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kaido93 said...

In The Words of my own Estonian relatives, "I Suffered Trauma wile serving in the Estonian Army".
I was the "Eperiment" that the US and Estonian governments watched, born/raised in America, I was a Veteran of the US Military. I was asked to go help Estonia, in 1995 by a former US Army Colonel, Aleksander Einseln, who turned out to be a deceiver and Lier. My Father suffered so much, being drafted into the Estonian Army at the last breath of the nation in 1940 and then seeing his nation destroyed with the so called leaders (Big Talkers during speeches but Cowards giving into every soviet demand) and subsequently having his/family humane rights violated by the soviet army and having to serve in 3 additional armies and not being able to go home and see his own family made me very angry, I never saw my grandparents so out of memory of my late father I went to serve and build up the new Estonian Army Military Police force. It Very Sadly turned out to be a nightmare, Every plan and project I developed and set in motion to help Estonia's military was sabotaged, stolen etc, I found out that my Fellow Estonians,(Who would Not accept me as an Estonian) were there own worst enemy, NOT The RUSSIANS. It is very sad, the US State Department senior Diplomats know Estonians are UNRELIABLE, Sneaky backstabber, they have been slaves way too long, they were sold out by their own in 1939/40 and yet they "Workshop" the pre war President, who was actually a Dictator as a god like figure, Spineless bastards,. In 1938 the You Tube film,Relvastatud Rahvas" President Pats talks big, We are a Free People who will Defend our freedoms with military Force etc" Yet 2 years later he give in to Every soviet demand with our having the Estonian ARMED forces defend/fight FOR THE COUNTRY, a disgrace! i know AS A TRAINED commissioned military officers, A QUICK EASY PLAN WOULD HAVE BEEN DO A HASTY RETREAT, HAVE THE ESTONIAN ARMED FORCES FIGHT THE SOVIETS AND THE PRESIDENT, LEADERS FLEE ON AN ESTONIAN SUBMARINE TO THE UK, THERE HAVE SEVERAL NEWS CONFERENCES OPEN HIS MOUTH AGAINST THE SOVIETS SAYING THIS IS TERRORISM, CRIMINAL WE DO NOT CONSENT TO BE MADE PART OF THE USSR ETC, YET THIS CLOWN , COWARD DID NOT DO ANY OF THE ABOVE, IF HE HAD MOST LIKELY THE SOVIETS WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET WAY WITH WHAT THEY DID AND ESTONIA WOULD HAVE REGAINED INDEPENDENCE MUCH EARLIER THEN IT DID.IN LONG AND SHORT I AM DISGUSTED AT MY OWN PEOPLE. THEY NEED TO FIGHT RUSSIAN TO CLEAR THE AIR. HAD I KNOWN WHAT DIRT BAGS MY OWN PEOPLE ARE, i WOULD NEVER HAVE GIVEN THEM ANY HELP AT ALL. CORRUPTION AT ITS WORST, NO SERIOUS ARMY, (NOT 1 TANK IN IT'S FORCE" NOT ONE BOMBER/COMBAT HELICOPTER/FIGHTER JET) a JOKE NO MANPOWER, THE NEW YORK CITY POLICE DEPARTMENT IS NEARLY 3 TIMES AS BIG AS THE ESTONIAN DEFENSE FORCES, SHAME SHAME! HOW THEY DEROGATORILY REFER TO PEOPLE BORN ABROAD OF ESTONIAN BACKGROUND AS" FOREIGN ESTONIANS" IN A DEEP INSULT AND SHOWS THEY(THE HOME GROWN ONES DON'T ACCEPT US AND A NATION DIVIDED AGAINST ITSELF ESP SMALL ONE WILL EVENTUALLY FALL/CRUMBLE)

Liina said...

James, Estonia sucks more than ANY other country in the world, except a couple of african countries. You are absolutely right in every word you wrote and there are millions of words more about why Estonia sucks. Estonia is actually a dead country, it will die in 10-50 years maximum. Estonians have no more economics, they are not smart enough in polytics. The only way for estonians themselves to survive, is to move abroad. But they mostly wont do that, because they all like a lambs believe in this dead country. They think, they love their country, but it's not love, it's actually HATE of over countries and all the foreigners.

Foreign said...

Hi James

Many things are thrue and agreeable, some things in this article (Estonia not having all those shops etc) are, looking from a business´ person´s view, not thought through well enough in my opinion. Small as Estonia is, there is no perspective or reason for opening all those different brands and business that exist in many other big counries.
But I´d be glad if you as a journalist would cover the Estonian womens´ "theme". By saying that you have your girlfriend here, you, too, confirm what I have always kept in my mind - Estonian politicians should stop looking for Estonian Nokia so desperately, it already exists and that is Estonian women!! Being an Estonian woman I am very dissapointed in the quality of men here, however, men never complain about the Estonian women, only foreign women. So, this is something that needs to be made clear to too many arrogant, too self confident Estonian men here - take care of your wives, at least DESERVE THEM. As you most likely have noticed, some of them don´t even take a shower daily:-) So, that really is something that needs to be done - a training for Estonian men with the most elementary knowledge of how to take care of themselves and make their "highly valued" Etonian women happy, so we wouldn´t need to look for men abroad (something that Estonian men really, really despise!)

Luck and regards

Foreign Estonian

andrea.cisco said...

Estonia is a big shit on geogrphic charts.

Anonymous said...
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keyboardwarrior said...


This must be the most funny thing I've ever read.

brb while I wrap up my post about how retarded americans are. : D

Keep it up, OP, for sum epic lulls. : 3

A pathetic read. Also by some of the commentators.

Kivilind said...

I think that everyone is just jelaous, because we are a tiny country on the world map, but we accomplish more in a year than america proabably does.

Delis said...

Lol what a funny little guy, i understand that you're a hater but half the stuff you just wrote here is such a bull shit.. i'm not gonna even explain myself because i know you probably wouldn't understand or believe me in any way because you're not fully matured yet to understand these things. Just saying that you just made yourself look so dumb by writhing this shit xD

Anonymous said...

this is the stupidest thing i've read in my entire life.

first of all: estonia, finland and russian basically have nothing in common. the only thing we have in common with finland is the similarities in the language. and with russia? nothing is in common. not the language, the culture, the politic views, etc. nothing.

also: 'Suicide epicenter of the world (Mao was far worse than either Hitler or Stalin: he made millions decide to kill THEMSELVES!)'

are you seriously trying to tell me, that only suicide is bad and frowned upon? killing people isn't? how is mao worse than hitler or stalin? they're all equally horrible, they all killed millions of people + stalin sent (hundreds of) thousands of people to siberia.

news flash: the people here do have a sense of humor, we do have soul. if anything, the problem is you not understanding the humor. and actually, in a way, i think the estonian attitude is great. because no one really cares what someone else is up to and can mind their own business. basically, we don't invade your privacy or 'snoop around'. also, if we were people with out soul, why would we bother with organizing events like the laulupidu and tantsupidu?

you should at least do your homework before writing out a list of reasons why estonia sucks. half of them are invalid and/or completely over exaggerated. and seriously, all the links/comparisons/hints about the ussr and soviet union is completely unnecessary. given that you actually live in this country, you should know about the history we have with those things and should know that it's frowned upon to talk about it that way. you might as well as start praising stalin/lenin/etc: it's basically the same thing.

i can't fucking believe that you're basically hinting that russian should be another official language here. those people who speak russian, aren't estonians but russians who have flocked here because they hate their own country (but hate ours too) and most of them refuse to learn the language. i mean, how would you feel, if the american government suddenly decided to make spanish another official language in the states just because of the huge percent of spanish speaking people living there? i doubt you'd be happy about it.

basically, the only thing actually worth saying to you is this:
fuck off back to your motherland if you hate this country so much. no one is ~forcing you to stay. and given that you kind of come off as a huge dickhead, i don't think anyone will miss you either. seriously. just sit the fuck down and shut up, no one wants to hear the idiotic bullshit you come up with.

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Teehee said...

Umm.. I don't really care about the bad things you said about Estonia, I've read so much shit about our country and I know people have just some sort of a need to express themselves about it. I really don't know what makes you so angry that you hate Estonia and think it is the worst country ever, I don't know. But. I was really disturbed by the fact that you said Estonians have no sense of humor. I know people wrote you back that we do and you don't understand the language and blabla. I personally think that Estonians have an awesome sense of humor. At least most people do. You should consider that people are different and maybe your humor is just.. different from ours. But excuse me, have you ever heard German humor...? That's what I would call.. pretty awful. Estonians use a lot of sarcasm and they don't really joke around or make humor clubs. We don't need that, we have fun with friends. The fact that we're different from you doesn't mean we're bad or suck or whatever.
And yes, you did sound a tad immature.. :(

T2rnus said...

you obviously know nothing. we're a little country, we have our pleasant and unpleasant things, but who are you to insult Estonia? take the first flight back to your home country, if you can't handle the life in here, the conditions are fine, actually getting better all the time. you probably don't know a thing about what you're talking about, otherwise you wouldn't be acting that way. first find your own disadvantages and then start blaming our country.

Chris said...

I've lived in Estonia for the last year - and combined been here 4 times over a period of 3 years.

There is no reason to make this a long paragraph, but I myself am an American - and you my friend are a walking abomination of American Ignorance, Idiocy, and Disrespect.

It is funny you are a well-traveled individual and are educated. Sounds like you have a serious case of home-sickness and should probably leave this place, if you cannot handle it.

I understand there are things to complain about - as there are everywhere. But, when you live abroad, you should learn to soak in your surroundings and learn the things that need to be learned about a new country, culture, and language.

Its because of people like you - that I sometimes am ashamed to be an American myself. Good Luck - and Go Home...


-Your fellow American living in Estonia... Cheers!

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Dianx said...

You clearly don't know anything about our history and have no clue, what russians, their people and language mean to us.
They are the people who occupied our country and silenced our people. But we got our freedom back. There's a film about it, made by Americans called "Singing revolution", I advise you to watch it. After that, the russians who originally came here because Russia wanted to russify us, just didn't left. They don't belong here, Estonia is not part of Russia, we have our own culture, people and country! They should go back where they came from. They only bring hatred here. Maybe you have heard of "Pronksöö", that is a perfect example. Why the hell should we make Russian our second language. True Estonians are not russians and Estonia is definitely not a country that should make efforts to make Russians in here feel at home, 'cause this is not their home, it will never be. That's more than enough that we have so many media channels in Russian. In my honest opinion it shouldn't be like that. If they want to live in Estonia, they should have to learn Estonian and know our true history, not the one Russia tells. The russians here think they have the right to be russians in Estonia and think that Estonia should be more like russia. They should go back where they came from if they don't like living in Estonia. That last point goes for you also.

Dianx said...

Oh, and one more thing, just, FUCK YOU!

Stefi said...

I love the comments here, therefore I need to say that Estonia is just as a good place to live than any other country. If you don't like it here, then leave! Simple as that.

olenäge321 said...

Where do you live? I'll come with my gun. Seeya!

Mammu said...

You're just jelly, cause we're clearly more awesome than you are.

Tericus Fuzu said...

It is said, that from hating comes more hate. So I don't want to write here some angry post about you being ignorant, not so educated (sorry, but you have so many logic mistakes in your post...) and extremely haughty... but, I really think that before you start to criticise a mostly poor post-soviet eastern-European country, you should think a bit of your own roots (because US is nothing to be proud of).

Good luck with your fiscal catastrophe...

Meigas said...

Just... go back to your beloved USA where everything is clearly in order. (your education system sucks!!)
Seriously though, I can't see why you're demanding foreign fastfood chains... You're obviously homesick.

Sir.Buzzkill said...

I've read your post James, 100 percent pure agreement on this matter. Born and raised in Estonia, I too convey the same level of hatred for this pitiful excuse for an EU country. Egotistical, arrogant and self-entitled little leech with a corrupted political party in charge, destroying the economy thus creating huge barriers between social classes. Most of our gracious lords at parliament even compared this country to third world countries like in the republic of Africa. To the point that it's laughable. Comparing Estonia to Africa... God bless this miserable rock, but something tells me due to the migration policy (mostly out than in) which you mentioned. This nation will face both a demographic crisis as well as a linguistic degradation. Even so, there was an article which was removed from delfi some time ago. Freedom of press, eh?

Yana Toom: Estonian language - degrading , Estonians - a dying nation, that is the problem.

The politician of the Riigikogu central-council party Yana Toom had mentioned in an interview with the portal from Baltija.eu, that the Estonian language in comparrison to the Russian language is simply nothing. Short-speaking, the Estonian language has reached to the point of linguistic extinction.

On a question regarding if it's boring to remain in Estonia, Yana Toom states, "It's not the question if it's boring ... I mean.. It's like asking if the swamp is a fun place for activities and you already know that it's not (FUCKIN BURN!!!).You see, we don't have the general concept nor goal which would have united everyone thus giving a purpose to exist. I have five children, they all left this nation and I don't mind them for those decisions.... I am even proud of them for that matter." (haha, proud. I love this woman xD)

On another question, who will win the battle between the Estonian and Russian languages, Toom declared unequivocally that the Estonian will not win.

"The amount of native speakers is estimated roughly at about of nine-hundred thousand. Inevitably speaking, it's a dying nation while a bit harsh but alas not far from the truth. Whenever asked about the opportunities, I always remember that Moses was not in vain by dragging Jews for forty years in the wilderness till the last remaining-slave died. But unlike them, we simply don't have enough time.

Sir.Buzzkill said...

So for those people who complain telling this guy to leave..

You do realize you're not offending him by those type of comments? In fact, he's actually craving to leave this shithole, myself included. The reason anyone that would visit this ceasepool is mostly for cheap education and that's what you are worth for. Still, they have to learn your shitty language which is an requirement for any programm at either Tartu university nor TTÜ and ironically it violates a law in your own estonian-constitution.
Excessive linguistic authority pushing on foreigners, in hopes that they will remain at Estonia for career opportunities (4% success ratio rate, lol) I will leave for London, so rage all you want. You know what they say about truth. It hurts.. a lot. James, I wish ya best in life. Articles like these are genuinely demanded to bring in some sense into these neanderthals known as the Aryan rac...errr, I mean DA GREAT ESTONIAN-MASTER RACE.

Yay-chan said...

Oh god. James, you do realize you're being a total arse, right?
While I agree that it would be great if we had Walmart and Burger King and whatever, we don't need them. Why should we have them? We're our own country and we can take care of ourselves (if only our politicians weren't babbling idiots). Not every country has to be like USA. As many people have said, you're most likely just homesick. I suggest you return to the US and calm down before making random accusations. You sound like a raging child who didn't get their candy.
I agree that there is corruption and that this country is mostly ruled by despicable idiots, but that is NOT a good reason to basically bash on all the people of the country.
And to you all who are calling Estonia a dead country and ugly and Estonians stupid and whatnot - PISS OFF.
Just-- leave. You know nothing. Who do you think you are? It's not like the US is so great either, and many Americans are, more often than not, more stupid than any person I've ever met.
Honestly, there are people here complaining about the size of our hills!? Really? It's not like we can change the size of our hills, you dimwit! Who the hell cares about the hills? I'm sad that we don't have any cool mountains, too, but you don't see me going around calling Estonia ugly.
There is beauty everywhere. But people never see it because they're too caught up with staring at themselves in the mirror. (You know what they say... in their own eyes, a person is always more beautiful than they really are.)

So if you're thinking of going all unsatisfied-kiddy-rage-mode on Estonia again, I suggest you take a good long look at your own country, first. Because if you do not even see the most obvious and horrible flaws in your country, then you're simply too short-sighted to judge others'.
And really. You don't hate Estonia. You just hate stupid people. They're the ones that caused Estonia to become this way. Too bad you just don't realize you're one of those people.

sandra rähni said...

I live in estonia and i love living there

Mario Person said...

you little fucking piece of shit how dare you say this about my country and i play footbalL? i run faster then my whole class and your gona be this shit? hide ur toughs you bitch now say them outloud you idiot your worth of shit not worth even a penny you little bitch!!!

Mario Person said...

your dumb too ya know estonians have nothing common with russia but only finland the words oh and 1 thing ESTONIANS ARE SMART AND CLEVER not trying to say they are the best but still theyre smart and clever and you say this well why dont you fuck a selfie

Kristin kandelin said...

I don't want to make anyone angry but you clearly don't know what are you talking about. We have a beautiful country. If you don't like Estonia, go back to USA.

-Estonian girl

Unknown said...

You know what, if you think of Estonia like that, then get your damn, lazy, bitchy ass out of our country! If people don't smile to You, i'm glad, because you don't deserve it. Estonians are nice, kind and happy, but people like you, ruin our home, so gtfo of here and find a "better" place to live, because Estonia rules!

-I am freaking proud to be an estonian!

Screw you said...

You know what, if you think of Estonia like that, then get your damn, lazy, bitchy ass out of our country! If people don't smile to You, i'm glad, because you don't deserve it. Estonians are nice, kind and happy, but people like you, ruin our home, so gtfo of here and find a "better" place to live, because Estonia rules!

-I am freaking proud to be an estonian!


-for my opinion its good country , you might face problems in other cities but in the capital its different ,

and bad things every where at every country ,

I lived in UAE for long and its very good in salaries but not good in society and job security

-i think its very growing country and was called before Baltic tiger of strong economic ,

for example :

- its one of top 50 countries by best education / internet / environment
- its one of the top 50 countries by worst health / life satisfaction / safety

cant complain , and i never face any ignorance from message any Estonian girl/boy actually

- by the way typically Russians don't smile too much lol ,

for me its average country , according how old its since 30 years and growing like this , so its sounds good not bad yao ?

-the question is , i don't know if the government listen to foreigner people there or not / opinions ,investing ....ext ,like canada or USA , ?????????
-the question is , why hell no carrefour or big brand hyper markets there hehe ??????

Endrik Einberg said...

People, people, look at the damn date! Inimesed, vaadake kuupäeva!

Soney Souza said...

Soooo different in 2016! I'm from Brazil and now I'm living in Tallinn.

Soney Souza said...

Soooo different in 2016! I'm from Brazil and now I'm living in Tallinn.

Yo said...

I couldn't agree more bro. Those estonian fools drive like crazy even in Latvia. Get the fuc* out of here. If ya all want to commit suicide be my guest! Cold clowns

Anonymous said...

Good post.

Fritz Wunderlich said...

You say something that people wouldn't say, but it's been said, the truth is hurtful, people love to hear what they wanna hear, they will always say "Please tell me what you think" and "Please tell me the truths", but in fact they don't.

PocketMopi said...

stfu you stupid cunt

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